Opportunities arise and I wonder then if I am worth them. I certainly wish only the best for others in my life yet I cannot seem to allow this for myself. I know why this is, I have Chiron right next to my Sun sign, he is the 'critical parent' standing over me, telling me to do better and better, whilst I have Neptune in Opposition to my Sun sign, which means I am never quite satisfied in anything I do, god what a drag! It makes complete sense and yet saddens me also, when is enough enough? Yesterday I was presented with 2 enormous opportunities and I can feel myself sliding away from them, edging quietly out the door so no one will realise I have left the room.
Why is this? Don't tell me about that crazy fear of success/rejection crap, its more than that? Am I comfortable in where I am? Am I hanging onto the chemical reactions that the struggle brings out in me? Am I so uneasy with changes that I would rather stay where I am than then have everything I have wanted for long time?
I can't answer any of this without an emergency call to Domonique the Wonderful today with her prompts and musings, so I will post later about my emotional excavation session with her and its results.
2 comments:
Dreamweaver, I have taken to imbibing in a daily inspirational reading from a lovely book called THE GOLDEN PRESENT by Sri Swami Satchidananda. For the 1st of December there is a passage that relates to your musings on this fine day.
Speaking about our time of death and our time here on earth, he says that when we depart this earth we go with our highest desire of that time. Therefore he warns, we should be very careful about the desires we cultivate.
"our predominate desire to be something elevating ... When you go to bed it should go with you to bed. You have to cultivate that. You cannot say, 'Ah...I can easily develop that later on.' No, make hay while the sun shines."
You, dreamweaver, make hay every day. If you ultimate desire is to be the best version of yourself then is that so bad?
Are these opporunities coming your way actually things you want deep down or are they things that you think you should want or would be sensible? I'm no Dominique but maybe that is part of what's holding you back??? Don't know. Just a thought!
The Contessa
Interesting thoughts Contessa. Yes, I do want these opportunities, yet I am afraid of them I think. Damm that crazy fear!
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